How old are you? Are you reading this column for the first time? I will write a brief history about myself and see if this fits your profile. Then I will discuss dating and the aspects of it.
I arrived in San Francisco on August 21, 1974 — a divorcée with two children, Susan age 9, and Jordan age 12. Dating was not on the agenda. My career and children were my priority.
Teaching, writing and speaking blossomed. My social and ME life was great. I didn’t understand then the importance of the ME life. My children started meeting friends and enjoying their new environment here in San Francisco. Next thing I knew I was having 40th, 50th and 60th birthdays. From my personal experience and talking to friends, children leave the nest and branch out between the ages of 14 and 16.
I am not assuming that all readers have children and am just using my example to show the responsibilities I had, but was able to have a life with them. I did not let them stop me having ME time. Marriage with a husband along with work can take time away from yourself. But it is up to you to find that ME time. It is never too late. Especially as you get older. When I lived in New York, I and my 10 girlfriends would get together once a month. We had partners but our ME time was more important.
Once a month on a Saturday late evening, 10 of us took turns cooking a fabulous late dinner for ourselves, made drinks and played Pokeno for pennies until five or six in the morning. I lived in a large complex and safe neighborhood. All within distance of our apartment buildings. We were all married black women who worked. We did more talking about business then playing the game.
The formula for writing in your English class is almost the same for dating. Who, what, where, why and how?
Before I break down the formula, these questions are also inclusive for gays, lesbians and other genders. The human touch on a social or sexual level can renew something that is missing in your life.
So let’s start with the “who.”
WHO do you want to date? Is ethnicity important? Do you have concerns about the individual’s height or weight? Why? Are you overweight? Conscious of your height? Date your ex?
What kind of person in these categories would you consider? Here are three examples.
Goodwill: Needy, needs assurance constantly. Limited income. Mother’s boy or girl. No adventuress spirit. Jealous and being clinging. Demanding. Has never been self-motivated. Constant complainer.
Vintage: Older but still kicking. Not one foot in the grave and loves to go out. Positive thinker. Talkative. Self-assured. Still working since retiring. Loves the job. Not a workaholic. Will make time for you. Not overbearing. Has personal friends and lives alone.
Imani: Oh yes! This is the way to go. Looks and smells good. Not overbearing or conceited. Assertive and clear expressing verbally about needs and wants.
Where will you meet? Dinner party? Friends? Dating Service: (table for 6)? At a bar, bus, park or picnic? Swimming pool? On the job? Somewhere in the vicinity, but not close or the same floor. On line meeting service?
Coffee shop? Conference. Or just a pickup?
Why do you want to date? Are you lonely? The children are leaving home, the empty nest syndrome. You just had a recent breakup with boyfriend.
To be continued … Your e-mail is always welcome at firstname.lastname@example.org. I can be viewed on
“Midgetts host of older black women’s issues” at www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzXGu4PlrJg.